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Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Weekend in a nutshell

I am sorry that I have not had a chance to post since Thursday. It has been crazy with the funeral coming up on Monday. Josh and I visited with his brother, Jeremy, and his wife, Max, who were in town from Berlin. They were supposed to come to visit with his grandma before she died, but unfortunely did not have a chance to do so. I did have two opportunities to run on the treadmill this weekend with one of them being my 60 minute long run. I am taking it conservatively during my first week back running.

We are relaxing for one whole day before the funeral. We plan to head out shortly to the Andersonville Midsommerfest for some food, drinks, and music.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Dad, I miss you!

Today's the 2nd anniversary of my dad's passing. It has been very tough two weeks for me. I have not blogged about it until now. But the grief of this day has been at times overwhelming. I cry for no reason at times. Josh has been very supportive with me during this time as well. I love him for it. There have been several things that made the grief much worse. First, my mom is in the process of selling the house that my dad built for her as their dream home. It is the last thing that's left of him. It was very hard to be at my mom's house and know that it might be the last time that I will be in that house. Well, I get one more chance to be in the house this coming weekend when Josh and I fly to MN for a weekend visit. Second, I found out about 2 weeks after I moved in with Josh that her boyfriend of only 3 1/2 months proposed to her. She's been dating him maybe a little bit longer than Josh and I and they are already engaged. To make matters worse, their wedding was just recently set for August 25, 2007. It is very, very hard for deal with. I am so glad that my mom is happy, but this is all too difficult to take in. I am still dealing with the grief of my dad. I know that she waited about 1 1/2 years after my dad's passing to date again, but I am not ready to have someone to take my dad's place. Not at all. I feel so horrible thinking this way. I feel like a total hippocrate. I know that Josh and I moved in with each other about 3 months after we came out as a couple, but are NO WAY thinking about going in the same step as my mom. It is just too fast! She was very supportive of my recent divorce and relationship with Josh. I am very supportive of her relationship with her boyfriend, but I just wish that they would take it a little bit slower. I am not the only one who thinks this way. My brother is very upset about this whole arrangement too. Work will be a little bit difficult because my dad passed away in a hospital. I am praying that I remain strong throughout the day. I might hit the gym just to get some the emotion out of my system. I will be riding my bike to work for the first time too. Now heading to work...

Thursday, April 05, 2007

So much happening...so little time

The last three days since my last post have been VERY busy. I have had little time to post. But when I had time to post, things got in the way from posting. Tuesday Work was very busy. In fact, I officially had my first real action. Action that caused my adrenaline to shoot up very fast and cause my legs to shake when standing still (but keep my cool on the outside when people are looking). It's a really great feeling. I wish it was from running instead. After having two days completely on my own with my boss keeping me busy, I had another day where I was running around the hospital with paperwork to do and also keeping up with the organizing the office. It's getting better looking outside, but has a LONG way to go. We are moving to another office so it should not be so bad. In fact, I will be get a better view in the new office compared to the current arrangement. In fact, my neighbors down the hall are very quiet. So quiet, you would think that they are dead. Well, in fact, unfortunately they are. My office is three doors down from the hospital's morgue and medical examiner's office. It's not too bad. In fact, it does not bother me anymore. Yes, I see dead people! (Don't worry. I don't actually SEE them - just the body bags!) In fact, one of my tasks on Tuesday was organizing all of the body bag tags after they are collected by the funeral directors for the last three months. After a little of action at the end of the shift, I headed quickly to change, re-do my make-up, and walk Sadie. Then it was off back onto the train to meet Josh downtown at Merchandise Mart train stop where he hopped on before we transfered to the Green Line for a nice ride towards his mom's house. Yes, it was my day to meet HIS family. Yes, I was very nervous as we headed toward Oak Park where his mom lives for dinner my first Passover sedar. Yes, combining the nervousness of meeting his mom first time and adding trying not screw up during the Passover seder really made things very interesting. On the other hand, my adreniline was not as bad as I thought. Mostly because it was all used up from all of the action that afternoon at work. But thankfully, a little bit of alcohol from a sweet cocktail that his mom's boyfriend made us does work wonders during the first 30 minutes being there. At the end, dinner was not that bad. His mom, her boyfriend, and Josh's grandmother really liked me. I was at most shyest moment (bad grammer moment - so sorry!) ever during the time I was there along with being very quiet too. The dinner was wonderful along with the kosher wine. I left there full of food and a little tipsy too from the wine (which Josh actually encouraged me to drink the wine) , but I was very relaxed. We did not get home until very late. Thankfully I did not have to get up at my usual time for work because I really needed to sleep. Wednesday Thankfully, I got to sleep in....for A WHOLE HOUR. YAYYYYYY! The weather turned very cold that morning. Very rude awakening. Josh and I walked to the Ravenswood Metra train stop where we both took a train into Ogilivie station. It was the end of line for him since he had to be into work, but I was just beginning my ride towards Des Plaines for a training class. But it turns out that Josh ran into Jason and Leah nearby after their cold adventure on their way to work. On the other hand, what I did not know is that my day would become very interesting. The training was not too bad, but afterwards turned SO wicked....and very frustrating. First, NEVER EVER assume that a training will go as well as you planned. HELL NO! I planned the whole day out for myself assuming that I would be out of the office for the whole day. Ah...NO! I ended up getting out early of this training class and then waiting in the frigid temps for 25 minutes with the bus being 10 minutes late. My fingers were getting SO cold and painful that the tips were in the starting stages of frostbite. Pain + numbness = NOT GOOD! (And YES, I was wearing gloves too, if you are wondering.) Well, the bus finally arrives and takes me to the Des Plaines Metra station. As I wait the train, I get some time to warm up my hands. Then the train arrives and takes me back to Ogilivie station. I looked at the time and realize that I will not have enough time to head into work along with the fact that I am still cold from standing outside - even after the time on a warm train. I contacted Josh to let him know that I would almost there. Once off the train, we meet up at Ogilivie and then walk to a Starbucks where I ordered some warm while Josh heads back to work for another 30 minutes. In the end, it felt good to head home with Josh like how our day started. I could not connect that long online before the cable went out. Just another excuse to bring out the bubble bath out. Today Two words: TOO busy I was lucky to get a lunch in. I had one report to do after a very hostile situation involving a patient being out of control after the beginning of the day. The it repeated TWICE within 5 minutes at the END of the day. I just needed some time to myself once I got home. I was SO happy! Even happier to see Josh. The fatigue hit me HARD. I needed to do anything but NOTHING when I got home....and did not care. Tommorow's Friday, which will hopefully a better day.

Monday, January 22, 2007

Another damn emotional Firefly moment....

....and I am SO sick and tired of them. I am doing through a difficult time again today. This is something that I need a lot of support right now. Hopefully, tonight my mom and I will be getting together for dinner. During that dinner, I will coming out with the news of the upcoming divorce. It is difficult to talk about with my mom. It is even MORE difficult to talk about after what happened during the time when I divorced husband #1. When I went through my first divorce, it began TWO YEAR time where my parents and I did not see eye to eye. In fact, we did not speak to each other....period. My parents were not happy about the divorce. They got completely involved with it. It became SO bad that my ex #1 had to bring the kids over to my parents instead of me. They simply did not approve my decision. They did not approve of me. HELL they did not come to my wedding when I married my ex#2. I invited them, but they chose to not to attend. My son had to walk me down the aisle instead of my dad. This was a very painful moment in my life. That all changed when my dad was diagnosed with leukemia and given three months to live, which turned into a 9 month battle he lost. I was forced to move a little bit closer towards speaking again. In fact, the first time that they met then-current husband was in my dad's hospital room. I walked in by myself, but explained that he was outside the waiting area to get the "all-clear" to come in. We ended growing a little bit closer, but still had my "safety blanket" to protect myself from getting hurt. I will admit this now that my worst fear is losing my mom and family again after I announce my current divorce. It will be a horrible pain that I do not want to go through. In fact, my ex #2 has been slightly planting fears in me that my mom will abandon me again or hate me, which has made it very difficult to come forward with the news. These feelings have made it more important to have my friends behinds. I can not imagine losing any of them, including my blogger friends. After the events over the past weekend, it really opened up a new floodgate of emotions and fears - mostly ones that I kept stuffed inside again even to those who really trust and love. I may have already lost an non-blogger friend after P.F. Chang's over the divorce. It is a long story. It is SO painful to bear, but I realize that I cannot please everyone. I am not a perfect person...period. I make mistakes in my life. I am not a perfect daughter. I am not the perfect mother. I am not the perfect friend. Goddamnit, I screw up at times. I can honestly admit it. All I ask is for your support and prayers as I get the courage to face this. I really need it now. Update: I got my butt to the gym after this post and worked off the stress..FINALLY. Today's Workout 35 minutes Eliptical machine 3.44 miles 403.8 calories 10:10/mile