Things a little better today...

...so far for now. I slept in today and then go up and headed into the gym for some cross-training. My first sign of my mind still not totally there is that I forgot my lock for my locker so my purse is secure. No problem! The guy at the front desk secured it for me in one of the cabinets. I could not forget it at all because my car keys are on my purse! The second sign was that I kept on going on the eliptical machine until it all of a sudden got really easy. When went to check the time and mileage info, it was GONE!! UGHHHHHHH! Well, I know that I got 50 minutes on the eliptical machine, but no mileage info. Oh pooh! After going to gym, I headed home for a quick shower and got ready for work. Right now, I feel like the gal mentioned in Rick Astley's "Cry for Help". (see my music player - damn Blogger beta won't let me put the YouTube video in my post!) The song in fact helps me a little bit especially on the eliptical machine and soothes me out. I just read Mouse's very nice comment that she posted on yesterday's blog. (Thank you, Mouse!) It really made me think - more than I have been ever - about why this is hitting me hard than last year. I know that my marital issues do not help at all this year. When I thought last night about the grief with my dad, I had to think long and hard. At this time last year, I was working both Thanksgiving and the day after. On top of that, I was juggling school, 1st marathon training, and life. I was SO busy that I did not have to time to think about not being at home with my family or the grief during this time of the year. I also did not have time to head to the mall and just walk around to see the holiday lights. The only time I did that was when I was gift wrapping last year to raise money to TNT so I can complete my first marathon. Just to this year, I have a lot of time on my hands. I am still going to school, but do not have to juggle my schedule to do so. I did not have time to grieve. I made sure that I was off of work for Christmas so I can could be with my family, especially with my kids. I guess I stuffed my grief from last year and waited to unwrap it until now. GREAT! I already know by now that this is going to be a very difficult holiday season for me. I will grin and bear it as best as I can. Fellow bloggers, please bear with me and give me a lot of support right now. I really need it right now. I also need to get back to running ASAP so I can start getting my life back as much as normal as I can.