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Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Dad, I miss you!

Today's the 2nd anniversary of my dad's passing. It has been very tough two weeks for me. I have not blogged about it until now. But the grief of this day has been at times overwhelming. I cry for no reason at times. Josh has been very supportive with me during this time as well. I love him for it. There have been several things that made the grief much worse. First, my mom is in the process of selling the house that my dad built for her as their dream home. It is the last thing that's left of him. It was very hard to be at my mom's house and know that it might be the last time that I will be in that house. Well, I get one more chance to be in the house this coming weekend when Josh and I fly to MN for a weekend visit. Second, I found out about 2 weeks after I moved in with Josh that her boyfriend of only 3 1/2 months proposed to her. She's been dating him maybe a little bit longer than Josh and I and they are already engaged. To make matters worse, their wedding was just recently set for August 25, 2007. It is very, very hard for deal with. I am so glad that my mom is happy, but this is all too difficult to take in. I am still dealing with the grief of my dad. I know that she waited about 1 1/2 years after my dad's passing to date again, but I am not ready to have someone to take my dad's place. Not at all. I feel so horrible thinking this way. I feel like a total hippocrate. I know that Josh and I moved in with each other about 3 months after we came out as a couple, but are NO WAY thinking about going in the same step as my mom. It is just too fast! She was very supportive of my recent divorce and relationship with Josh. I am very supportive of her relationship with her boyfriend, but I just wish that they would take it a little bit slower. I am not the only one who thinks this way. My brother is very upset about this whole arrangement too. Work will be a little bit difficult because my dad passed away in a hospital. I am praying that I remain strong throughout the day. I might hit the gym just to get some the emotion out of my system. I will be riding my bike to work for the first time too. Now heading to work...

9 comments:

Whitney said...

I'm sorry this time is so hard for you. I've seen what the death of a parent can do to a person - my fiancé's mom passed away 3 years ago. and like your mom, his dad is dating. It's a lot to take in and deal with. esp. when it all happens that fast. good for you for expressing your emotions in a healthy way! good luck at work.

Danielle said...

Sorry it's such a hard time. I can't even imagine. One thing though, don't think of the boyfriend taking your dad's place. That will never be the case and if he's a good guy, it's not something he is trying or hoping to do. He's just there now, hopefully trying to make your mom happy. Nothing will diminish your dad's memory for her I'm sure.

Jess said...

I'm sorry for your grief, hopefully each year will improve for you and your memory of him.

Wes said...

What Danielle said! No one can or will ever take the place of your Dad. Your Mom has to choose her own path in life. Be supportive and happy for her, but don't judge her. She has been through more than you guys will ever know.

Take comfort in your family, friends, and job. Life must go on until someday we are all reunited again.

Neese said...

I'm so sorry your Dad is no longer here, so sorry you have to live with that heartache. I agree with Wes about your Mother, certainly don't judge her, just support her, she is older and perhaps just feels it's right for her to move quicker, you have to trust she's following her heart just like you have.

Laurie said...

Oh Denise. I am so sorry to hear about your family difficulties. I know how it feels to have your mom dating again and with another man. It is bizarre; I don't know any other way to put it.

I think that older people view time differently. They tend to know what they want and go after it when they find it because they realize they do not have an unlimited amount of time. I'm not saying she isn't rushing into things, just trying to speculate about what is going on in her mind.

You still have every right to be upset about the entire situation. You have a triple whammy to deal with. I can only imagine how difficult that must be.

Keep venting and doing what is best for you.

Dori said...

I'm sorry for your loss and sorry the house will be sold. Take lots of pictures of the house while you're there this weekend, kind of as a way of saying goodbye. Of course it's difficult to deal with the upcoming wedding; they really haven't known each other very long. Can you talk to your mom and express your concern? It doesn't mean you don't support her just because you're worried that she's making a rash decision.

Anne said...

I never had a childhood home like you, but I can imagine the anguish. I don't know anything about your mom, except she must be terribly lonely and probably in love. Both are difficult emotions to break through if you decide to approach her with your feelings.

L*I*S*A said...

I'm sorry this is such a difficult time for you. I know that you'll work thru it in your own way.

I know you love your mom, and hopefully this is a good step forward for her.

((HUGS))