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Thursday, February 08, 2007

To my angel

This post is decided today to my middle daughter, Marianne. She would have turned 6 years old today and the exact day of the week when I lost her too, but she's always in my heart. I refer her as my "angel daughter". She was born stillborn, but I always had a lot of hope for her. She died from a genetic abnormality caused Turner's Syndrome. She struggled during the pregnancy physically, but remained strong. I finally had to let her go after the last ultrasound at 20 weeks when she was getting weaker and weaker. I went through a lot of problems when delivering too and refer it as a time where I sacrificed myself physically to deliver her in a proper and respectful way. I also refer the time as when I felt like I was in the movie, "The Exorist."
It was the first time that I had to learn to let go and let God take control of the situation. She gives me the strength that I need to get through tough situations. When my dad passed away, My main comfort was that my daughter would greet him when he arrived in heaven after he bypassed all of the other great-grandparents who would tending to her.....or fighting over holding her. It is something that I do not normally talk about, but feel comfortable to talk about it here. Beside Josh giving me strength during this time, I have relied on the strength of my dad and daughter through prayers.
Here's a poem that I wrote in her memory:
Beautiful child Full of grace Pure innocence In a higher place. Oh, what do I see? Oh, yes! That is a part of me. Full of my love A higher power took your away And brought you home. Up to the heaven’s gates Far from where you roam Free from suffering Free from pain. Now full of spirit and love With a hope of seeing you once again You are my angel Up in heaven above You are always there with me Filling my heart with your love Life is so precious Cannot be taken for granted Like a flower It is planted. Your love has given me The greatest gift I know. Something that I cannot take back I just watch it grow My little innocent My little child Warm, tender and mild Wrapped with love Watching me from above
I love you, my little angel!
Chicago Trip - 1 more work day! Almost a sigh of relief!

13 comments:

Full Metal Lunchbox said...

The poem was beautiful, and a fitting tribute to Marianne.  I'm so sorry that you didn't get to see her grow up.  I'm glad at least that you can find some comfort knowing that she is watching over you, your angel baby.

See you soon!

Wes said...

It doesn't surprise me at all that you would sacrifice so you could do what you thought was right. You are indeed a strong woman.

Danielle said...

Wow, so sorry to hear about that. Loss of a child is a hard thing for a parent, I can't even imagine what you went through and go through everyday.

Laurie said...

Oh Denise I am so sorry to hear that. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings during this difficult time.

said...

I'm sorry to read about that, but I'm glad you have peace with the situation. The poem was very beautiful. :) Thank you for sharing...

Anne said...

I can relate to your grieving, even after all this time. That's such a beautiful poem you wrote. It really expresses the range of emotions a parent feels in these situations.

Neese said...

bless you denise i certainly cannot imagine that particular pain...but do know my sister is in heaven and was there to welcome your sweet baby. take care

Running by.... said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine what it would be like. Do take care today.

Kurt said...

I understand the loss. Been there for that also.

Runningdoctor said...

I just wandered in. Beautiful writing.

Jess said...

So sorry to hear about your angel daughter. But it's truly a blessing to have her looking down on you.

WannaBe5Ker said...

I did not know that you had lost a daughter, oh, I am so so sorry for your loss.

(((((Firefly)))))

Dori said...

Nice tribute to your daughter. My friend had a stillborn daughter about 11 years ago. It was her first pregnancy and none of us expected any problems. It's a tough situation to go through. I'm very sorry for your loss.