Monday, November 20, 2006
Why do I seem the bad guy?
Yes, today I had one of those days. Well, I am nervous to talk about this, but I feel that I need to talk about it with my RBF friends. Things are not perfect in Firefly-land. In order to make sense of my life and keep my sanity, my husband and I see a therapist because our marriages has not been rocky from the start. My husband was demoted during the first month after we got married and went to the graveyard shift for first 2 years. Then we both lost our jobs at the 6 month mark of our marriage. Then comes the loss of my dad from leukemia three months later - one day before I started my new job. We have fought with the current lawsuit involving his current employer (just re-assigned to a new contract) for the last year or so. It has been very difficult for both of us.
I am at a breaking point right now in my marriage where I am not happy right now. I feel like I like a mouse on a wheel going NOWHERE. I am just the tired cheerleader who has tried to keep going and he acts like a wounded soldier who's giving up on everything. My daily runs and work-out are my ways to temporary escape from what's going on in my life. The birthday incident really hurt and almost a final straw right now in my life. I feel like I am being punished by him even though I have tried to be very supportive for him. Well, to make it very short, I finally stood up myself with and spoke my mind of the events over the past few weeks. I know what I had to say hurt a little bit, but it needed to get out. At the end, I felt like the bad guy....at least that's my view of the end result.
After the therapy session, I dropped me off and I headed to the gym for 40 minutes of cardio to get the adrenaline out....and now. Then I headed to my chiropractor for an adjustment, which felt very good. The rest of the evening was spent relaxing and being alone, which I felt like I needed to do especially after this morning. I even evented a new drink....the Dirty Monkey. **grin**
Tommorow I have another day of cross-training on the eliptical machine. I do want to try running the Turkey 5K Run in Downtown Minneapolis on Thursday since it will be VERY nice out, but I will see how I do tommorow and if I can make it to 60 minutes on the eliptical machine. It will be HUGE test with my new ankle brace plus it will be a FUN race to do.
Today's work-out
40 minutes - Eliptical machine
3.98 miles
560 calories
10:03/mile - I am ON fire!!
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5 comments:
I'm not a marriage counselor, but I've been married 18 years, and one of the important things I've learned is not to sweat the small stuff. If you aren't happy, then you need to figure out what to do to get you there and remember that marriage has to be a win-win situation. Thinking about ya, sweetie...
I am so sorry to hear that you are unhappy in your marriage. I don't have advice for you, having not been married. Just know that we are always here to listen. Go ahead and vent away!
Just remember, if you're not happy make changes...whatever those changes might be, and whatever the outcome. Life is too short to not experience happiness on a regular basis.
Sometimes you've just got to let it all out. It's good that you stood up for yourself, sometimes people (husbands included) can get so wrapped up in their own stuff that they don't realize how they're dumping on their significant other. The important thing is that you were able to bring up the feelings that you have and the issues that are bothering you.
Now, on to the happier item in your blog: What the heck goes into a "Dirty Monkey"? I totally need to make this drink!!!!
I'm a little late to the table here, and I'm no therapist, but I have been married almost 30 years. Marriage is full of ebb and flow, and it is damn hard to hang in there when you reach those points where its like the repelling magnets. Keep your faith - this too, shall pass. Prayers and hugs to you.
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