Monday, November 20, 2006
Why do I seem the bad guy?
Yes, today I had one of those days. Well, I am nervous to talk about this, but I feel that I need to talk about it with my RBF friends. Things are not perfect in Firefly-land. In order to make sense of my life and keep my sanity, my husband and I see a therapist because our marriages has not been rocky from the start. My husband was demoted during the first month after we got married and went to the graveyard shift for first 2 years. Then we both lost our jobs at the 6 month mark of our marriage. Then comes the loss of my dad from leukemia three months later - one day before I started my new job. We have fought with the current lawsuit involving his current employer (just re-assigned to a new contract) for the last year or so. It has been very difficult for both of us. I am at a breaking point right now in my marriage where I am not happy right now. I feel like I like a mouse on a wheel going NOWHERE. I am just the tired cheerleader who has tried to keep going and he acts like a wounded soldier who's giving up on everything. My daily runs and work-out are my ways to temporary escape from what's going on in my life. The birthday incident really hurt and almost a final straw right now in my life. I feel like I am being punished by him even though I have tried to be very supportive for him. Well, to make it very short, I finally stood up myself with and spoke my mind of the events over the past few weeks. I know what I had to say hurt a little bit, but it needed to get out. At the end, I felt like the bad guy....at least that's my view of the end result. After the therapy session, I dropped me off and I headed to the gym for 40 minutes of cardio to get the adrenaline out....and now. Then I headed to my chiropractor for an adjustment, which felt very good. The rest of the evening was spent relaxing and being alone, which I felt like I needed to do especially after this morning. I even evented a new drink....the Dirty Monkey. **grin** Tommorow I have another day of cross-training on the eliptical machine. I do want to try running the Turkey 5K Run in Downtown Minneapolis on Thursday since it will be VERY nice out, but I will see how I do tommorow and if I can make it to 60 minutes on the eliptical machine. It will be HUGE test with my new ankle brace plus it will be a FUN race to do. Today's work-out 40 minutes - Eliptical machine 3.98 miles 560 calories 10:03/mile - I am ON fire!!