Translate

Friday, November 24, 2006

Blogger friends, I thought with the holidays underway I would be fine. Ah.....I was wrong. SO WRONG! I went to the mall tonight with my husband to get some candle holders at Michael's. He wanted to go walk around the mall for a little bit to walk off his dinner. Well, I purchased some Bavarian pecans because I could smell the scent of cinnamon in the air. As I was purchasing a small of the pecans, I heard a sound from a piano in the background. My husband was sitting on a bench near the piano. Then we started walking to a booth near the piano and the need to go home increased. My husband started talking to me, pointing out that the piano players playing "The Wind Beneath My Wings" and then asked what's wrong With tears in my eyes, I told him I wanted to leave NOW. He then asked me why I was crying. Then he thought it was due to the holiday and the pain of my dad's passing especially with his birthday's on Monday. He would have been 55 on Monday. Silently, I knew it was more than just that. Yes, I do miss my dad and the fact that he has been gone over 1 1/2 years. It is combination of this pain and the current dilemma with my husband and add the holidays - WHAM! Turn on the water faucets - full blast! I keep reading about Mouse's struggle with her mother's passing with the upcoming holidays and I thought it would easier for me. Ah....no! So far, It has not. I feel like a vase with a large crack trying to hold myself together until the next therapy session on Monday. I am trying to stay strong, but feel the crack getting deeper and deeper right now. I am hoping to find the proper glue to hold myself together and fix the crack. Well, we started walking away from the music and toward the other side of the mall. When we came across the pet store, we looked at the cats and dogs. I came across these cute male pugs. After we left the mall, we had dinner at Applebees and then headed for home. Before this episode, I woke up this morning and headed to the gym for 60 minutes on the eliptical machine. It felt good to be on there. I iced my ankle afterwards. After getting something to eat, I sat near my computer to watch the Colorado Buffalos and (damn) Nebraska Cornhuskers. Things were going well until the 2nd half the game and then it went downhill from there. They ended up losing anyway. Oh well. Tommorow's another day of cross-training and back to work for ONE DAY. Then my usual weekend starts. Today's work-out 60 minutes - Eliptical machine 6.04 miles 710 calories 9:56/mile - WOW!

6 comments:

Running by.... said...

I'm sorry..I wish I had words of comfort for you. It's one of those times when people just don't know what to say, ya know? I do hope the rest of your weekend is better.

Rose said...

Hang in there Denise. This is always such a hard time of the year to cope with pain with all the fakey, glitzy good cheer being shoved in our faces. I'm sending you prayers and hugs for strength and healing.

Sarah said...

sometimes you have to let the crack get deeper before you can start to repair it, denise. I never really let myself grieve - properly, at least - after my mother passed. and now my time has come. there will be days when you feel like you can barely hold yourself together, and you have to let yourself feel that way, sometimes you just have to let yourself breakdown, honestly, because otherwise you're going to keep carrying those feeling around inside of you and they're going to come out at SOME point. they have to. so take the bad days, get through them, and subsequently the good days will come. they have to. as Angie (pink fuzzy) says, it's like a law of physics or something.

take care.

Sarah said...

er. that was me. mouse. in the comment above this. sorry 'bout that. stupid blogger beta.

neese said...

i'm sorry you are going through a rough time. for a second there i thought you were gonna say you got a puppy! :)

WADDLER26.2 said...

I wish you peace going through this tough time.