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Tuesday, July 25, 2006

This picture speaks for how I feel TODAY

Yes! I am feeling that way today. My day did NOT start on the right foot this morning. My alarm woke me up at 9:15 am this morning after being up until 2 am last night. I am NOT going to go into what happened last night to cause me be up that late. I woke up with a mild stomachache, with the feeling that something BAD is going to happen today. It was not a good way to wake up. I layed in bed until 9:45 a.m., when my husband's cell phone went off. He answers and it turns out that it's the background investigator that's OUTSIDE of our apartment. Oh s***! I was NOT even close to be presentable. I ran into the living room, threw on some work-out clothes, and RAN into the bathroom to change. My husband stepped out and grabbed the background investigator from outside into our apartment. My apartment was a little bit of a mess and very embarassed about it. As my husband spoke to him, I made myself some breakfast and sat nearby where they were talking. They immediately go into his work history and verifying information given by his references. It turns out that one of his friends gave the investigator information that may hurt his chances in becoming hired as a police officer. They "spilled the beans" on stuff relating to his current legal issues with his current employer (something that my husband filed himself upon them). Oh crap! Not a good thing! The investigator asked my husband for his side of the story and why he did not give information to him right away. My husband does his best in explaining that his attorney advised him to not freely give that information out without being asked first. He was simply following his attorney's instructions - period. UGH! Then he gets questions about his academic stuff - mostly explaining his grades. (Oh no!) He then get questions about his family life and our marriage. I then get my turn at explaining why my kids live with my ex instead of me. I didn't bat an eye and calmly explained that I chose them having a financially stable life with their dad vs. me being without a job and nothing to support myself financially for them. I don't have a good relationship with their dad, but I only speak to him when I need to (ex. school stuff, kids being sick, visitation scheduling, etc.) I made sacrifices so they will have a better life than some kids that I grew up with in high school. It was a MUTUAL decision - nothing that I was forced upon. The investigator also asks me whether our marriage would go down the tubes if he gets hired onto his NW Minnesota town - far away from any other Law Enforcement jobs or working with him on the same department or on a nearby department. Again, I did not bat any eye and said that I would support him and find a way to make our marriage work if he became hired. We work as a TEAM. Plus we have not worried about it until he actually gets hired somewhere, which has not happened yet. First things first! One step at a time. SIGH! Well, the investigator wraps up his questions and explains that he still has to finish his background packet. The information will be used to determine whether he was considered for a position opening up in March or April 2007. If we have any questions, we can call him and ask him or he will call my husband back if he has any more questions. He thanked us for our time and left. When he left, both of us started feel like CRAP. We had a very bad taste our mouths and a bad feeling our hearts. We did NOT feel good at all. Since I was already dressed and ready to go, I decided to head to gym, while my husband went his parents' house to pick up something that he left over there. Once I arrived at the gym, I spent 45 minutes on the elliptical machine. It was the fastest cross-training workout, ever. Time just flew by and I did not seem to care. Then I did some upper body weight training and used my frustration and sadness as inspiration to push harder as I used the energy out of my system. As I finished my cool-down, the emotions started hit really hard. I just wanted to cry. I called my husband and notified him that I was ready to picked up. When he arrived, we drove home. He had a terrible headache from the stress. We hugged each other for 25 minutes before I showered as I got ready for work. I just did not want to leave him. I wanted to stay home and hold him. When arrived at work, I felt like crap even more so. I tried to talk it out with my co-worker, but it did not seem to help like it usually do. I was in a somber mood most of the night. I tried concentrating on my reading. I just want to relax instead on other things. I read a bunch of blogs and responded to them. It seemed to help a little bit. I laughed a little bit and smiled. I also called my husband at home and talked to him - just to see how he was feeling. But the one thing that seemed to help even more was writing them down in this blog. Also as I write, a HUGE downpour is coming down. How ironic! It totally describes how I am feeling tonight. I hope I can shake this off and start anew tomorrow. Today's workout 45 minute - Eliptical machine 4.29 mile 496 calories 10:29/mile Weight Training - Upper Body

8 comments:

Wanna-be 5k-er said...

Best of luck to you & your dh. I hope it turns out ok!

jkrunning--Just Keep Running said...

Hugs to you. I hope everything works out for you and your hubby.

Trish said...

awh...I hope things work out. You Never know that bad feeling, could actually mean something good. If you both did your best, that's all that matters. :) Keep pushing yourself. Things all happen for a reason..:)

neese said...

xoxo!!

teacherwoman said...

Sounds like a stressful day! Hope all is better today!

Amy said...

I'm reading this a day late, but I hope that you both are feeling better! That kind of stuff sucks, but I bet you guys are being harder on yourselves than the investigator will be! good luck to your hubby!

Annette said...

Sorry about your day. The waiting and not knowing is the worst! :( Hope tomorrow is better for you guys.

Rose said...

Sounds like you handled the stress in the most appropriate way - especially just holding onto each other for awhile, because in the end, that's what really matters. I second Trish's sentiments.